冲突管理 - 有关如何避免口头斗争的四个提示

有关如何避免口头战斗的四个提示

Four basic and important tips on how to avoid a verbal fight with an angry person....

1. Don't Take the Bait

个人攻击是他们让预期的受害者玩游戏的方式。

想想一个个人攻击，因为他们把诱饵钓鱼线扔给你，希望你能咬人。

一旦你接受诱饵，那么它的游戏就会默认赢得，因为现在受害者已成为额外攻击的轻松目标。

即使受害者很快，他们仍然在战斗中，因为他们是防御性的，而不是令人反感。

有意识地决定不接受诱饵而不是玩游戏。让他们在情绪上没有反应。

2. Avoid the "YOU" Word

It's really easy to tell when someone is getting angry at another because they start throwing out "YOU" statements all over the place.

“你”陈述本质上是非常指责的。

“你是（空白）”

“你做了（空白）”

"You said (blank)"

It signals to the other person that criticism is coming their way and they get on the defensive, just like if someone bladed their stance and put up their fists for a fight.

如果你需要的常见例子,看看some of the posts here in this forum....there are a lot of angry "YOU" statements being tossed around.

相反，通过使用“i”来反思您自己的陈述，或者使用“我们”将它们更贴近您。

3. Empathise With Them

当你发现自己对另一个人生气的东西做出了那些所做的事情时，请尝试一下，让自己脱离自己的鞋子，从他们的角度看待事物。

通常，当它无意中，我们假设错误地对我们进行了违法行为。

曾经是一家公司的新员工，我不断被我的老板击败普通的新手错误 - 毕竟，错误是我们所有人如何学习和改善，对吧？

在一个特别糟糕的情况后，我的老板尖叫着我 - 在我的同事面前。

Ask for Reflection

我只是问他，如果他第一次开始工作以及如何改善时他会产生类似的错误，以便再次发生同样的事情。

This made him change his tune real quick because he was viewing me through the eyes of someone who had 20 years of experience on his hands. I had 5 days of experience.

I made him view the situation from my perspective and this changed his view on the whole thing.

So try to empathise with them first and see if it was an honest mistake. And if it was done deliberately, then its time to disconnect and move forward.

4.不要反击

尝试教育它们而不是反击。

自信可以是好的，很多人都说是做的而不是侵略，但是被自信的问题是它仍然滋生了两个人之间的冲突。

自信基本上是相同的，只是以礼貌的方式，使另一方感到有义务不反击。

虽然这可能会努力避免进一步的攻击，但它确实很少满足潜在的怨恨，因为他们仍然留给你的病情，即使你表现出平静的自信。

当苛刻的批评，狙击或虐待发生时......我发现更好的是，告诉他们他们的话语如何让我感受到。

Assertiveness Theory

这背后的自信理论是不提供他们罢工的目标.....它使他们有意识地意识到他们的话语伤害了你.....它经常会让他们感到遗憾或有罪（假设他们没有社会疗法行为）对于他们所说的话。

So tell them something like,

“当我被喊道时，它让我感觉（空白）。”

or pose it as an innocent question such as,

“你为什么要说些对我有害的东西？”

If you offer no resistance to their attack and instead use their attack to educate them, then it's not backing down, or submitting to them, but rather it is assertiveness empowering you with taking control and it is educating them as what not to do.

本文由Tristan LoO提供贡献，是一位经验丰富的谈判代表和解决冲突专家。