Self Confidence and Self Esteem

失去信心

Losing self-confidence can really feel awful.

本文通过收回您的权力并确定可能沿途的事情来重新建立低自尊和信心的建议。

Comparisons are odious
Internal Assessment
什么绊倒了你，什么都没有？
实际上是完美的
Take your power back
The Practise Cycle
To Sum Up

Change Everything

很容易觉得你必须改变关于你自己的一切，以便觉得解决世界的挑战。

Doesn't all that sound just awful?

When you lose confidence it can genuinely feel awful, and for many as though there is nothing you can do about it.

我们听到一遍又一遍

"If I could just get some more confidence."

就好像我们想走进商店，买一磅信心（或者我们应该说500克）。

Good Times

我们知道有时候你觉得你可以做任何事情，征服任何恐惧，接受任何项目，处理任何问题。

Those are the good times!

It's the difficult or tricky situations that erode confidence.

我们也知道，尽管有信心可能需要一段时间来建造，但它可以在纳秒内破坏或丢失。

所有所需要的就是觉得错误，绊倒，尴尬，你会感到沮丧，桌面和损失。

它只需要一集，你觉得羞辱或“挑选”或者不确定下一步怎么办，而且自信心卡的整个墙都会下降。

Avoid Tricky Situations

Wouldn't it be great if we could just avoid those situations?

好吧，你需要在一个房间里锁定自己，然后，当然，你已经留下了自己，我们已经知道自尊心低的人特别善于做出最糟糕的事情他们告诉自己。

郁闷够了吗？

There's more before we get to the good stuff.

自尊

让我们采取自尊心。难道你不希望你有更多的吗？

这是自尊围绕自尊往往发生的事情：大多数人通过外部评估自己，并通过他们的头脑中的一些不可能的测量来展望他们的自尊。

How did I do on my appraisal?

我的同事像我这样吗？

Am I getting praised enough?

现在，寻找核查和肯定的外部没有错。

We do need the acknowledgement of others to bolster our sense of self.

别人想什么

但是，如果自尊是完全基于外部以及别人的想法，那么你将不断依靠“他们”来让你感觉良好。

You'll need an ever-increasing dose of approbation from others to keep going.

Likeself-confidence, without a firm foundation of your own view of self-worth, your self-esteem can be knocked back quite quickly and easily.

Then you'll find yourself blaming externals when you feel bad and play the 'if only' game:

"If only such and such had happened (or hadn't happened) then I'd feel better and things would be OK."

“如果只是这样，所以会告诉我我是怎么做的，然后我会没事的。”

自我延续的循环

当然，这意味着另一个自我延续的周期：你让你的自尊心依赖于他人，这意味着你将你的“电力”远离他们。

If they don't come up with the goods (which are usually in your head so the other person doesn't really know just what goods they're supposed to come up with are) then you feel bad and your esteem drops.

您对外部肯定的需求增长，您的外部依赖于外部，这使您的权力带走并破坏了您的自尊。

Get the picture?

So. Have we really got you down now?

To the rescue: Never fear,雷竞技注册's here.

当事情感觉真正粗糙时，我们有一些提示和提示来帮助你。

Internal Assessment

The only place to start is with you.

正如我们所说，外部确认是好的。里面更好。

So, here's an exercise to start the ball rolling.

素质和技能

Make a list of all the qualities and skills you already have.

At the top of the page put 'I' and then your list:

smile
Am a good listener
可以很好地骑自行车
Do the washing up without being nagged
Like to help my colleagues
可以依赖
Am efficient

This needs to be a long, long list.

没有否定;不是一个。

And notice what your head is doing through all of this.

我是一个好的听众。好吧，有时候我是一个好的听众，但有时候我真的匆忙，没有时间我想给人们。

可以很好地骑自行车。当然，我不是专家。我不比赛或任何东西，我的一些朋友加入那些慈善自行车 - 一个关键词。我从来没有这样做过。

And so on.

Negative Thoughts

It's really hard to do these lists without those negative thoughts creeping in.

实际上，他们不会蠕动，他们风暴;他们用手推动，并大声地喊着淹没。

You may not be able to shut them up, but it's interesting; the longer your list is, the quieter those voices get. Try it; you'll see.

制定了你的名单，现在去几个人真正信任，并问他们对你有什么相信的。添加到您的列表中。没有否定。没有'需要开发'或'可以做得更好'或'是的，但是'。

Passions Beliefs Values

接下来列出你的激情，信仰和价值观：你对真正强烈的事情;让你失望的东西;信仰和价值观对你很重要。

对于这个列表添加您了解的内容您致力于伴随着合作伙伴，房子，您的家庭，一些志愿者工作，您的工作，爱好等。

最后，添加了激励和激励你的东西 - 你听听的音乐，走路，你钦佩的人，你读的作者，你津津有味的食物等。

Personal Statment

Gather these lists together and look at them, deciding a few things from each list that sum you up.

Then write a Personal Statementabout yourself incorporating the most important bits.

Read your statement out loud. Read it to other people.

每天晚上读它，然后在早上醒来的时候，你醒来的第一件事：这是我是谁。

You need to know and acknowledge those qualities, skills, values and beliefs that you can rely on and that tell the world who you are.

如果你不承认这些，为什么要别的？

What Undermines You

什么绊倒了你，什么都没有？

There will be some situations that undermine your self-confidence more than others.

If you can bear making a couple more lists, take some paper and divide the page in two.

在左侧列出了您了解您觉得更自信的区域。看看你做得很好的东西列表。

If you know you're a good listener, for example, you probably feel relatively confident when you take on the listening role.

Not Confident

On the other side of the paper make a list of the places and situations where you don't feel confident.

Meeting new people
发表
捍卫决定
挑战某人比你更进一步的食物链

Self Confidence Inventory

Now do a self-confidence inventory.

What do you have on the left-hand side of the paper that you could 'borrow' to use on the right-hand side?

让我们说你对结识新朋友感到非常自信，但你确实感到充满信心。

Combine the two by 'featuring' your listening skills when you meet someone new.

People love to talk about themselves, so you only need a good opening question (see below under The Practice Cycle) and they'll be off.

Then you can listen to your heart's content because you know you're good at it, only having to interject the occasional comment to keep them going.

使用你的技能

There will be plenty of other places where you can borrow one skill to help you overcome a deficit in another.

If you can get your head around this idea, you can become a whole lot more confident much more quickly than you think.

不仅如此，如果你看看你的闪耀和感觉良好的地方，请确保更频繁地把自己放入那些情况下。

If you're good at riding a bike, go on more bike rides. Simplistic we know, but it's another small thing that really does work.

实际上是完美的

我们所知道的东西被束缚在掌握良好的信心和高自尊心是完美主义的方式。

你必须搞定;你必须第一次得到它，你必须完美。

你必须能够做一切。Perfectly.

Sound silly reading it, doesn't it?

Good Enough

在影响雷竞技注册工厂we're of the practically perfect (even occasionally, the good enough) school of thought.

No one can get it right all the time, first time, every time. Nor should they.

What a tyranny. And it's one of the reasons you'll be able to stock your arsenal of beating up weaponry because you didn't get it right.

It also is a very good reason to stop yourself from attempting new things, because you know you won't be able to get it right and get it perfect.

You can, however, be 'practically' perfect.

你可以选择几乎完美的看起来（顺便说一下，这不是完美的）。

这样做会让你的生活更容易。

You will have less to fret and worry about and your energy can go into what you can 'borrow' to make yourself feel better rather than into

给自己一个困难的时间，你无法做到什么。

You can also begin to...

Take Back Your Power

早些时候，我们谈到了这个事实，如果你主要通过外部衡量你的自尊，你会给你别人的力量。

If your feelings continuously rely on others' acknowledgement and affirmation you take a passive role while you wait for them to give you what you need.

我们还表示，外面致谢很重要，但我们知道具有低自尊的人对别人的想法提供了过度意义。

Once again, they remain passive. Of course, they're incredibly active up in their brains.

Blaming Others

他们责怪别人让他们感觉不好;they have long conversations in their heads about what other people should be saying to them, and making up assumptions about why they don't.

相当简单，他们让自己感觉更糟。

They also go seek out a 'buddy' to complain to about how bad other people make them feel or how so and so isn't giving them any feedback or how they aren't appreciated. And on and on.

You can stop this downward spiral right now if you wanted to.

一步一步抱怨

Stop complaining to other people.

停止闲聊。
Stop telling someone what's wrong with someone else.
Stop moaning about your fate.

你将无法完全这样做 - 也许佛陀可以，但不是凡人。

但是你可以减少你的日常剂量的不满。

Step Two Accomplishments

Let people know your accomplishments.

Sometimes other people don't notice or don't think to comment or may comment in their heads but the words don't come out of their mouths.

If you wait for them to tell you how brilliant you are, you might have to wait a long time. So tell them first.

不是泵送的自我方式;只是带来他们的注意力，对你很重要。

第三步反馈

Ask for what you want in terms of feedback.

如果您没有尽可能地获得尽可能多的致谢，那就去找人并询问它们。

Ah, we hear you say,

“但是如果我必须要求它并不是那么多。”

为什么不？

Not everyone has you in the front of their brain the way you have you in yours.

Step Four Don't Make Comparisons

Many of you may remember that a few years ago a non-existent commencement address (not) by Kurt Vonnegut whizzed around the internet.

It was soon discovered that it was a piece written for theChicago Tribuneby Judith Schmich.

Anyway, one of the pieces of advice she gave was not to read beauty magazines, they'll just make you feel ugly.

So our fourth step is don't read beauty magazines. In other words, it's back to the comparisons are odious things.

不要自愿地把自己放在你身上，在那里你会感到难过的地方，在那里你将加强关于你的最糟糕的比特，而不是良好的比特。

Avoid people who tell you what you need to fix or improve in order to get better at stuff.

这意味着你需要看到更多的人认为你是美好的，给你积极的反馈和少的那些认为他们比你了解自己更了解你的人。

The Practice Cycle

We've already commented right at the beginning that there's the undermining cycle of feeling unsure, getting humiliated, being less sure about trying something out and then dribbling away to not trying at all.

当然，我们知道这里有点极端。

We know it isn't always like that.

每个人都有一些生活领域，他们真的是自信的，或者至少有足够的自信。

This is when those lists of qualities and skills come in when we look at the Practice Cycle.

Chicken And Egg

This is how it works: when you feel confident, you'll try new things, and the more you try the better you'll get.

例如，公众说话。

Any good presenter will tell you that the more they get out there in front of an audience, the more confident they feel about handling whatever happens.

不是他们感到不那么紧张（有些人，无论他们是多么练习，他们都不会紧张），只是他们知道要期待什么，也能觉得能够处理意外的东西。

如果他们错过了，他们就足够的信念，他们的技能再次挺直。

但除非你感到自信 - 真正的鸡肉和鸡蛋，否则你不会尝试新事物。

Where do you begin?

从事开始

你可以开始的那个和唯一的地方就是练习。

练习很多。并且不要练习赌注最高的地方。

Practice where no one will necessarily notice; where the spotlight isn't on you; where feeling a bit foolish won't undermine you.

Alongside practice goes preparation.

无论情况如何，您都可以为至少一些事件做好准备。喜欢结识新朋友。

To prepare for this situation you can make a list of opening gambits that you can try out.

Public Speaking

We'll go back to ourpublic speakingexample.

如果您觉得您在团体前面发表零信心，请不要在群体前开始练习：您所有的恐惧和担忧都将简单地乘以。

Practise in front of the mirror first; then practise in front of a trusted friend. More than once.

你知道它可以感到虚假和令人尴尬，但与一个人在你身边的观众练习比你思考的观众更好，这是一个更好的。

浅尾

Now if you take that example and look at the areas of your life where you don't feel confident, see if you can identify the simple, unthreatening places where you could practise.

If you have to have a difficult conversation, for instance, take some time beforehand to write out the main points you want to get across (this is the preparation bit).

Whatever you choose, don't throw yourself in the deep end.

The shallow end will do; the paddling pool will do.